Here is one part of the tonight show that’s very funny, it shows how people fall into a funny moment etc…Enjoy!

Here is another one of the great comedians, George Carlin on the ten commandments. Enjoy!

Q: How do you keep an idiot busy for hours?
A: Give him a piece of paper with “Please turn over” written on both sides.

* * *

An idiot decides to start up a chicken farm, so he buys a hundred chickens to get up and running.
A month later he returns to the dealer to get another hundred chickens because the first lot had died.
Another month passes and he’s back at the dealers for another hundred chickens, “I think I know where I’m going wrong” he tells the dealer,
“I think I’m planting them too deep.”

* * *

Q: How do you confuse an idiot?
A: Give him two spades and tell him to take his pick.

* * *

Did you here about the idiot who won the ‘Tour De France’?
He did a lap of Honour!

* * *

Did you hear about the stupid tap dancer?
He fell in the sink!

A man is working on the buses in the US collecting tickets.

He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there’s a woman half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing as it’s Texas he’s sent to the electric chair. On the day of his execution he’s sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.

“Well” says the man, “is that your packed lunch over there?” “Yes” answers the executioner. “Can I have that green banana?”

The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits till he’s eaten it. When the man’s finished, the executioner flips the switch sending hundreds of thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears the man is still alive. The executioner can’t believe it.

“Can I go?” the man asks. “I suppose so” says the executioner, “that’s never happened before.”

The man leaves and eventually gets a job back on the buses selling tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The bloke is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair. The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up to the electric supply for the whole of Texas.

The bloke is again sat in the chair. “What is your final wish?” asks the executioner. “Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch ?” says the condemned man. The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana. The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch. Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas. When the smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in the
chair. The executioner can’t believe it and lets the man go.

Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this
time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair again. The executioner rigs up all United States electricity supply to The chair, determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair smiling.

“What’s your final wish ?” asks the executioner. “Well” says the man, “Can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch.?” The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin included. The executioner pulls the handle and a brazillion volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is still sat there alive without even a burn mark.

“I give up” says the executioner, “I don’t understand how you
can still be alive after all that?”. He stroked his chin. “It’s something to do with that green banana isn’t it” he asked.

Nahh” said the bloke,

“I’m just a really bad conductor”

This guy staggers into a bar and shouts, “A double whisky please barman, and a drink for everyone here… and while you’re at it, have one yourself.”

“Well thank you sir,” says the barman and proceeds to pour everyone their drinks.

Moments later the guy shouts, “Another whisky for me, and the same again for everyone else.”

The bartender looks a little worried now and says, “Excuse me sir, but don’t you think you should pay me for that last round first?”

The guy slurs, “I can’t. I don’t have any money.” With this the bartender flies into a rage and literally throws the guy out of the bar.

About twenty minutes later though the guy staggers back in and shouts out, “A double whisky for me, and a drink for all my friends.”

“I suppose you’ll be offering me a drink too?” the barman asks, marvelling at the guy’s nerve.

“Not likely,” slurs the guy, “you get nasty when you’ve had a drink!”
 

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar and each orders a pint of beer. When the drinks arrive they notice that all three pints have a fly in them.

The Englishman just looks at his pint in disgust and pushes it away.

The Irishman picks out the fly with his fingers, throws it on the floor and proceeds to drink his beer.

The Scotsman picks the fly out of his pint, and holds it over the drinking saying, “Come on you little git, spit it out!”

Here is a joke: Enjoy!

There were three nuns in the church, two were crying and one was laughing. The priest walked up to a crying one and asked “why are you crying?” The nun said I killed someone ,the priest said go and drink from the holy water! So the he went up to the second crying nun and asked why are you crying?  She said ”I stole a car!” and he told her to go and drink from the holy water too. Then he went up to the laughing nun and asked why are u laughing? She said “I peed in the holy water”.

Here is another comedian that I enjoyed, she is one that says it like it is. So if you can’t take ronchy this is not for you and if you like ronchy then ejoy.

Here is a great skit, The preview man! Enjoy

Here is one that I can really relate too since I have been in the computer world for over 25 years. Enjoy!

Ever wonder what a baby thinks is funny, well here it is!…

Here is one that I found that is of British comedy but does reflects what is going on around the world in customer support. I myself have witness something similar in the computer customer service call. So take a look and enjoy, any feedback is welcomed and encouraged.

Welcome to Jack’s Comedy House. Where I will be posting everything I think is funny, being videos, pictues or jokes all that is funny will be posted.